Water
by National Wolves
Summary: Anyone remember what the Water chakra addresses? Doesn't matter. Aang's become embarrassed to wash off in front of the other guys. What happens when Zuko decides Aang's baths in the stream are the best time for them to rekindle their friendship. A slow burn Zukaang fic.
1. Chapter 1

The day was saved thanks to the Avatar gaang. But it's been several years; dynamics have changed and they have all been growing up. Katara and Aang are no longer together, realizing how unprepared they both were for a relationship (especially Aang). Instead, the everyone remains as a group of traveling friends. Only now they travel the world on more casual adventures, with different members of the group leaving when necessary to tend to business in the different nations. Each of these chapters will take place as Aang washes off in preparation for the day. Aiming for a slow burn here. I think the rest of the story should speak for itself.

I tiptoe from the camp to the stream nearby. The sun's just now hitting the leaves and hasn't even begun to sparkle on the water. I've been doing this for a couple of years. I wake up early to sneak down to the stream before Sokka or Zuko, so I have it all to myself. It's so much easier to wash alone—no covering anything up or trying to protect your own privacy and provide others' the same. I just have to listen for anyone rustling through the tall grass on their way over here.

I hang my clothes and towel on a tree branch, and take a step in. The water trips cold on the tops of my feet. I take a big breath and start warming up my body. The stream starts to grow a little warmer, too. I wade in deeper, pausing to adjust every few steps. I'm halfway in when I hear the sound I fear. I look over and see the shrubs shift.

Zuko emerges in just his loose maroon pants. He yawns as he pads over to the tree where my things are hung. "Morning, Aang," he sighs. Zuko's eyes are barely open, so I give a quick greeting. We can have a full conversation when we're more awake. Instead, I turn around and kick around some silt. Some fish flock away, and the water around me becomes murky. There's no reason to provide Zuko with more of a view than necessary.

I crouch down so only my head and shoulders are left above the water, and I hear Zuko taking a breath before he takes his first steps in the water. I remember learning this trick from him before bathing together seemed weird. I guess I just started to feel embarrassed about sharing this personal time with anyone. We've always found separate bathing areas for the boys and girls, but I don't see why having the same parts should make anyone more comfortable in exposing them. The water around me starts to steam as I take a big sigh.

A gentle splash and some ripples come from behind me. I turn my head around and see Zuko naked, ankle-deep in the water. Quickly, I face away. It's so strange to see him like that. I wish I felt that comfortable. I sometimes imagine coming to bathe and walking in without any shame. Perhaps it's because of my history with Zuko, but in my head he is always the one undressing and walking into the water with me. I would feel so happy to get rid of all the stress around this.

A big wave hits me and submerges my whole neck. "Have any interesting dreams last night, then?" Zuko asks as he crouches down within arm's reach.

I twist my toes in the dirt, attempt to casually place my hands over myself, and keep my head and eyes turned down and away, pretending to zone out while watching the ripples in the creek. "I don't remember. I don't think so." I wish I had. Without an interesting dream, I can't think of what to say next. I hate not having anything to offer Zuko. Maybe the conversation will end here, I think, discouraged.

"I had a weird one," Zuko adds after the pause. "You were in it." I turn around in anticipation of what he'll say next. Instead, he dunks his head under and comes back up with his bangs draped over his eyes. He flips them back nonchalantly. Droplets fall off of his nose and lips back into the water or on his chest.

"What was I doing?" I try and act only half-interested. The early morning and the seeming offhandedness of the conversation point toward keeping things casual.

"Well, we were training. I was trying to help you increase your range. We were in the South Pole, but it wasn't really the South Pole, you know?"

"Oh, so were Katara and Zuko there?"

"No, it was only you and me. It was like we were in a classroom, but no one else was there." Zuko's eyes shifted back and forth looking at the water, then he dipped under again. I covered myself automatically. He came back up and pushed his hair out of his face revealing a furrowed brow. "I guess that's it," he said.

"Wait I thought you said it was weird," I asked.

He smirked and shrugged, "I guess it wasn't that weird. It was just strange to be alone with you in the dream, I guess. It's been a while."

It had been a while. I had mastered firebending a few years ago. Now we only spent time together with the rest of the group. Often, one of us would have to leave the group, too, to help with some affair or another. Once Zuko was gone for a few months to deal with an uprising in the capital. The group was perceivably different without him. It was missing his usual gravity and thoughtfulness. I also missed hearing his attempts at jokes while he was away, too. He always ended up over-explaining the joke. Sokka would get mad, but Toph and I could never stop laughing. Zuko was right, though. It was strange to picture us alone together.

"Yeah, we haven't had a lot of one-on-one time lately," I said looking at him apologetically.

"Well, what about right now?" Zuko asked as he glided his hand along the surface of the water between us, sending a wave right against my chest.

I half-laughed and rubbed the stubble on the back of my head, "Yeah, that's true."

Zuko just looked at me with a calm smile on his face for what felt like a whole minute. Then, he added, "Maybe that's why I had that dream. It woke me up so I could come spend time with you this morning. We can make this a regular thing."

I nodded as my stomach seemed to shrivel up like a dried berry.

"Well, I'm starting to wrinkle like a dried berry," Zuko said as an obvious way to end our time. Still, I wondered if he had just read my mind. Then, he stood up. I was looking right at the scar on his chest, and I felt ashamed for staring as long as I did. I turned to look at anything else.

"I'll come out in a bit. Just going to try and really get between these twinkle toes today." I said, prepared to slap myself as soon as Zuko was out of sight for my attempt at humor. I faced away as Zuko walked out and dried off. I just wish I could've walked along beside him. I dipped my head underwater and smiled with the image of Zuko and I chatting and laughing as we got dressed. It brings me such peace when I close my eyes and see his hard-won grin. I just want that sense of complete ease. I resurfaced from the water back from my fantasy. I'm surprised to hear Zuko angrily muttering to himself as he walks back toward the camp. Just a few minutes ago he seemed like he was in such a positive mood.

I stand up from the water now that he's gone and briefly enjoy the little trails of water wiggling down my body. But I'm afraid Sokka will be coming soon. I cover myself and walk to the shore, quickly drying and dressing. Then, I make my way back to camp, excited and nervous about seeing Zuko after our morning conversation.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm thankful there's no shrubs blocking the way to the stream today. Sneaking away from the camp is that much quieter. Maybe he won't wake up. I tread gently over the damp leaf litter on the forest floor, lifting myself on small pillows of air to avoid any rustling. The sun slips in through the trees to lay on the shallow running water. While the depth means the water will be warmer, it also gives a person less space to hide. I pray Zuko forgot his idea from yesterday, or maybe he'll just sleep through — at least just for this morning.

The trees are all too tall here to hang my things. Instead, I set my towel on a large rock beside the creek and place my stone shaving bowl and blade on top of it. I take off my shirt and lay it beside everything. Even standing in the forest without a shirt leaves me feeling exposed. I'd rather no one see me shaving. Despite shaving in front of everyone often when I was younger, it feels more personal now. I grab the bowl filled with a banana leaf and lavender salve. The tips of my fingers dip in the cool gel and lift it to spread around my head. Chills run all over me as I rub it in circles against the bristles on my scalp.

Then I trade the bowl for the blade, pull up the bottoms of my pants, and walk ankle-deep into the pitter-patter of the stream running over pebbles and stones. I can feel it push gently on my feet, and I stand in the morning for a moment enjoying the feeling. I'm pulled from this when I remember Zuko might come along at any moment. I put the sharp edge to my crown then pull back, hearing the little hairs break. I go again and again like this with extra precision around my ears. There are little cuts around the back of my head I can feel, but they'll heal quickly. Once I'm finished, I turn and reach to put the blade back down on the towel, but I overextend and fall, catching myself with my free hand in the stream.

"Smooth, Avatar," Zuko snickers, taking his towel from his shoulder. He's standing down the stream a few feet, and I wonder how long he's been there.

I laugh too hard to play it off. "Gravity's an airbender's best friend and worst enemy," I say self-evidently as I stand up dripping to put the blade back on the towel. I give a wink to let him know I recognize how stupid I look and sound right now. He laughs more, which I'm not sure is the reaction I wanted. It makes me feel relieved, though.

But as soon as he starts to pull off his tunic that relief disappears and I turn my eyes toward the ground. "So—" I start just as Zuko begins to speak. We both abruptly go quiet and try again only to repeat the awkwardness.

After an unbearable pause and just as I'm about to start in again, Zuko beats me to it. "See, I kept my promise," he says as he hear the whish of another garment come off.

I feel warm with embarrassment and turn in the complete other direction to pick up my bowl. As I start to rub the gel across my jaw, I lie, "Yeah, I thought you might want to just sleep instead. I can never wake anyone up."

"Aang, this is going to be our time," he replies as I grit my teeth. "You need to wake me or we won't get to hang out." He says this with a surprising intensity, but then I hear a deep breath and the gurgling of the water running into his legs as he steps into the stream.

I take my blade back with me into the water and wet it, bringing it up to my jaw now.

"I forgot you shaved," Zuko says.

"Well, it's kind of a tradition for the airbending monks. We weren't supposed to worry about our appearances, and hair was just another—"

"No, that's not what I meant" Zuko interrupted. I glanced over where Zuko was crouched down in the stream naked with water cupped in his hands. I looked away again. I knew what he meant. "I forgot you shaved your face."

"Yeah," I shrugged. Why did it matter if I shaved my face?

"I've never really grown much hair there," Zuko admitted. I heard him splash the water on his face. "I only shave once every few weeks."

"There's nothing really special about it," I tried to say with a smile as I pulled the edge up my cheek. "It's not like I asked to grow a beard."

"Yeah, but I think it looks nice to have some stubble. I'm a little jealous." I could hear the smirk in Zuko's voice. Was he teasing me? I turned to squint meanly at him, but he was standing up. He was standing up looking straight at me with a ridiculous grin on his face. The blade cut across my cheek, and I called out briefly in pain.

Zuko took a few steps and reached toward me. "Aang, are you okay?"

I backed away. "No, no. Yeah. I'm fine. Look." I turned my face and looked in the opposite direction so he could see the small abrasion. I expected that to allay him.

Instead he pressed his thumb right beside the cut. "You're sure?" he asked.

I shifted my gaze back to him and looked him in the eyes. The hazel was glowing in the drifting sun. His scar seemed pink and soft. "Yeah, I'm sure," I said as I pulled away. I didn't want to be a child he had to worry about. "Let me just finish." I put my back to him and started shaving again.

"Hey Zuko," I said as I finished my task trying to break the quiet tension that I felt I had created, "You sure you're not out here with me trying to capture the Avatar again." Zuko sniffed a half-laugh. "Because," I went on, "I've mastered all the elements so I'm pretty sure I can take you." Bending down slowly, I pretended to dip the sharp stone in the water. "You know I mastered airbending a hundred years ago, but it's been a while since you've seen me bend…" I paused. "Water!" With that I twisted and splashed water right into Zuko's surprised face.

He made at playful anger, "You have insulted my honor. You must pay the ultimate price. I challenge you to an agni kai!" He called out as he kicked water all over my legs.

For minutes that felt like days gone too quickly, we dashed around throwing water across the stream as our calls and laughs mixed with bird songs. "Okay, okay," Zuko huffed. He mocked a bow, "You are the true waterbending master. But you should give a fire nation kid some credit."

"Yeah, you fought well for a _kid_!" I teased. In that moment, I saw Zuko as someone less mature, someone more nervous and unsure, more like me. Then, I realized I was staring at him as he walked away to dry off and dress. I realized too that my pants were soaked and nearly see through, and I rushed off to cover up with my towel. I pretended to be busy drying off and organizing my things, but I was waiting for Zuko to leave so I could take my wet clothes off and actually dry myself. I kept catching him smile and peek over at me like he knew my secret and was about to reveal it.

"Monkey feathers! I missed a spot," I said stroking a spot on my jaw. "You can head back to camp, and I'll catch up."

"Okay, see you in a bit," Zuko responded as he pulled his tunic over his head. Then he meandered around the trees toward camp. I let out a huge sigh of relief and tucked my thumb in my waistband. But Zuko's head suddenly appeared from behind one of the trees and I ripped them out. "And I'll see you to clean up tomorrow!" I nodded trying to convey none of my actual thoughts.

I waited for a few minutes to see if I'd get another encore. With no signs of any firebenders in the area, I took off the wet linen, wrapped my towel around me, collected my things, and walked through the forest toward my tent.


	3. Chapter 3

I thought to myself while hiking through the bed of ferns up the hill, _I could just say I tried to wake him up but he wouldn't budge_. That was a stretch. We had to camp farther away from water than usual, but Zuko had assured us the hot spring would be worth the morning trek. Besides, we had gone three days now without any kind of bath. We had helped a small town terrorized during the war by fire nation soldiers, rebuilding their community center and restoring their trust with the new Firelord. But a devastated town didn't have much to offer in terms of accommodations or free time. The layers of dirt on our skin had become noticeably thicker during our stay and the symphony of stench in close quarters was now unbearable. We were all looking forward to the opportunity for cleanliness and relaxation. All except me.

I couldn't stop worrying about meeting Zuko alone again. I didn't want to see him smirking at me. I didn't want to chat with him. I didn't want to hide myself from him. And I especially didn't want to guard myself from looking at him as he washed. I just wanted to feel open again.

This was going to be my time, I assured myself. I looked down the side of the hill. Past the scattering of trees, I could make out our camp. I could make out the trail up here, too, a dark snaking divot through the fern sea. There wasn't the slightest movement beyond the gestures of leaves in the wind. I felt it curve past my face and tug at my clothes. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it. When I opened back up to the hillside, there was still no sign of activity below, even (or especially) in the tent I most feared to see activity from. This'll be a day for me.

I slipped through the grove of trees at the top of the hill and, as I approached the promise of the springs, started taking off my dirty linen shirt. The cloth was covering my face, but through it amidst the shadowy woods lay three white circles reflecting the bright gray of the overcast warm moist air began to coat my skin and caused my shirt to stick as I kept attempting to tug it from over my head, but I quickened my pace when I heard the whispers of the running water.

"Hi, Aang." Not a whisper. Not water. Just Zuko. I finished pulling of my shirt to Zuko's welcoming smile, always shy of a toothy grin, but I knew he meant it just the same, which made me miss when he was only ever angry to entrap me. The steam partially shrouded him, but I could see his arms stretched across the rocky rim of the springs. Could anyone think of a more arrogant pose? He took up as much space as possible. And all I could look at were the wisps of black hair matted to his underarms. He knew I'd be surprised. This was a preemptive revenge for not waking him up.

"Zuko," I blurted out putting on my cheesiest smile to conceal my disappointed shock.

"The water is perfect, and I didn't even have to firebend. Come hop in!" He patted the spot right beside him.

Was I supposed to sit there? That close to him? Then I realized something worse. I had to undress here, and there was nowhere to hide and no trick to pull. And I definitely couldn't leave back to camp. I hadn't washed for days.

Quick and casual, I decided, like I was unbothered by Zuko judging me from his hot spring throne. I moved over to where Zuko had hung his things. I threw my shirt, towel, and fresh clothes beside them. With my body angled so my back was toward Zuko, I quickly peaked back to see if he might be distracted. He was not. We made direct eye contact. He flashed a smile. Caught in the act, I did the same and turned away. I finished undressing and hanging my clothes with embarrassment burning my insides. Then, unconvincingly I'm sure, I tried to cover myself casually as I walked over to the stone tub where Zuko reclined with his eyes closed. I climbed in speedily, glad Zuko eyes stayed muscles relaxed with the heat as I sank down in the milky water across from Zuko. I felt a natural bench underwater along the outside rim and made myself as comfortable as I could be in the situation.

"I understand why you like to come out by yourself in the morning," he said without moving.

 _Because I want to be alone_ , I snapped back in my head.

"It's so peaceful," he continued. "The walk up here with all the plants in the wind and the view from the top of the hill. I've just been sitting here for a while listening to the water and the breeze and the birds."

"Yeah, it's really nice," I admitted and exhaled.

"It helps you, like, reflect and stuff," Zuko said. It was ineloquent but I knew exactly what he meant.

I started, "Yeah, It makes me—" His foot moved beside mind, or did I press mine into his? Either way, I eagerly changed the subject with an awkward laugh and curled into myself. "So, uh, how did you find out about this spot anyway?"

Instead of answering, Zuko took a big breath and sank under the water while I waited awkwardly. He came back up and hung forward over the rim.

"Uncle took me here," he said mournfully.

"Oh, I'm sorry Zuko." I felt dumb for bringing it up. I had no idea what to say next. Instead I slid beside him and rubbed my hand on his back to make up for it. "I didn't realize."

He sat up a little. "No, it's okay, Aang," he said as he pushed his dripping hair from his eyes eyes. Bitter sweetness played on his face. "I wanted to revisit this place and share it with others." I was silent. Maybe it read like quiet support, at least I hoped so, but I just biding my time to figure out what to say next. This close to Zuko and his sadness, I first noticed the sharp smell he had acquired without bathing for three days. It was brusque like chopped wood but not unpleasant. I leaned in subtly to smell it more deeply when I saw the little beads of sweat forming constellations on his forehead. I wanted to wipe them off. It would be like wiping away a tear from his cheek. Instead I just tilted my head in sympathy with him.

I thought first about my own loss, and what it meant to lose your teachers and friends. Then I remembered what Guru Patthik said about love and loss — how love is reborn in new forms. "It was so kind to share this place. That's so special Zuko," I affirmed. He looked up, and I swear I could feel his little smile's warmth across the inches separating our faces. I continued nearly whispering, "It really is beautiful up here. I just feel connected with everything." And despite my earlier worries about the distractions Zuko posed, it was true even with him here. "I'm sure your uncle knew how a place like this could make someone feel." His eyes were following the words from my mouth. I went on, "You know as you've grown up, you resemble Iroh more and more."

Zuko's expression changed to absurd confusion, eyebrow cocked and lips pursed, but all still so close to me. "Wait. What?" he asked.

I repeated what I had just said in my head and fell backward in the spring water, flattened by the miscommunication. I tried to cover with humor, "Oh, you know Zuko! Your hair's started to gray, your voice is starting to sound like his. And I love how you're belly's grown!" I put my hands like wings across his stomach as part of the joke, but let go quickly. _Too far_ , I thought while blushing.

Zuko stood stagnant, still confused I assumed.

I let my head sit like a bouey barely floating above the water as I explained to Zuko towering above me, "It's just, uh, the patience and love you try and show—like for everyone. It's like you try to understand someone now, and you figure out their problems, so." I titled up at him admiringly, then I watched him descend as he kneeled down to mirror me. His lips bobbed in and out of the ripples we were making, and his eyes sharpened to cut through me to the truth. I just kept the mask of my naive smile on.

"Thanks, Aang, but I still feel like I have a lot more to do."

Above the water we faced each other like battleships waiting for the command to fire, but below our knees were bent between one another like puzzle pieces about to be matched in the small pool. I wanted to fit them together, give Zuko a hug and let him know he's living up to his uncle's legacy. I wanted to close the awkwardness I felt, have him tell me I might live up to the standards he set too, shed all this uneasiness I had been feeling between me and the world. None of that happened. I sat there like always, suspended in the water and too afraid to move forward. I sunk below, rose up, and announced I was ready to head back to camp.

"I think I'm ready to head back, too," responded Zuko.

I climbed out first trying to ignore my hang ups. But I imagined Zuko watching me from behind, his gaze steady down the blue lines, landing on my scar, seeing all of me while his stomach twisted in regret the whole time. I knew, though, that this was just my own embarrassment playing out in fantasy. I walked over to my things with a heightened sense of urgency and loneliness.

I didn't look up until I knew Zuko's towel was around his waist beside me. I wish I had waited longer. Even just standing without a shirt next to him reignited all my mangled emotions. I couldn't decide if I wanted to be naked with him long enough to make everything feel normal or if I'd rather never see him like this again.

He interrupted my decision making, "Aang, you know Uncle's not the only person whose footsteps I want to follow in, right?" Could he stop looking at me like he's the hero in a Fire Island play? Take the confidence down a notch, Firelord.

"Well, sure. There's plenty of people to try and live like," I said.

"Yeah, like you," He responded while he pulled on his shirt.

I was so excited he was finally dressing I missed his statement. I went on blabbering about whatever proverbial nonsense I automatically add to these kinds of conversations before it hit me. "Wait. Me?"

He stumbled, "Is that a surprise? I mean...you are the avatar."

I forgot this about myself more often these days. The world didn't need saving like it used to and I had a lot less people trying to capture me. I was more like any other air nomad than I had been since I was twelve. "But I don't know what I'm doing, Zuko. Just because I'm the avatar—why would you want to be like this." I motioned to my towel wrapped form, regretting the draw to attention immediately.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." He elbowed me, "Don't go getting a big head or anything, from what I hear, you're the bridge between the spirit world or something. Plus, you defeated the firelord. But those are just rumors. I take them with a grain of salt." He was smirking the most Zuko smirk ever and handing me my clean pair of pants to put on.

"Yeah, I guess," I pitifully laughed.

While I dressed, he turned around and continued, "No, it's more like, I just want to be easy like you and just go on helping people and trying to think about things the way you do, if that makes sense." He turned around as he finished this thought and I finished dressing.

"Yeah," I agreed while beginning to head down the trail out away from the springs, "except you're failing miserably." I turned around to see Zuko frozen in place with a face more bitter than a rotten sea prune. I came back and draped myself over his side in a hug, "I'm just kidding, sifu hotman. You're all those things. I'm always trying to be more like you." Even from behind I could see his cheek bunch up beneath his scar as he smiled. "We're just stuck in a spiral of do-gooderness, always trying to one-up each other."

He laughed, "But maybe we can skip rebuilding this next town and take a vacation instead," Zuko said sarcastically.

"That sounds like a great idea actually! We can start now." I jumped on his back feeling silly and overjoyed. He caught my legs and carried me down the hill while we joked about ways to shirk our responsibilities.


	4. Chapter 4

He is beside me this morning. We walk warmly together. Birds hum and whistle while they dance in the reeds, but the river is too wide to make a sound. On top, the surface reaches from shore to distant shore green and flat like the smooth jade floor in the Earth Kingdom Palace, but I know, were I to wade too far, the undercurrent, like the river's beating lustful heart, would wrench me from my feet and out to sea.

We exchange half-smiled pleasantries that bloom into conversation in the redolent river air. My skin bristles into turtle-duck bumps despite the warm humidity sighing on us as I think about the day, several days gone, when I forgot myself and jumped up on him. He didn't try and shake me off, he just carried me for a ways. I was making a fool of myself—giggling like a little kid—while he was probably wishing I would just get back on the ground. I remember the swaths of skin that clung to him still, broad patches of shame. Thinking about it now my face feels like a little glowing sun, and I speed up my pace to walk in front of Zuko so the emerging blush stays hidden.

My feet tread lightly on the rocky shore. I don't know how anyone else stands to put their full weight on the ground in places like this. Then again, I seem pretty sensitive about a lot of things that don't seem to bother anyone, like undressing out in the open, a process Zuko has already begun. He pinches the leather ribbon in his hair and pulls, releasing the knot into a shaggy mess. Then, as if he sensed my gaze, he peeks through his bangs and smiles. More blushing. More hiding. I turn away to find somewhere (farther away) to lay my towel and clothes. A washed ashore log a short walk down the bank will do. I don't dare look back while I undress. Being seen by Zuko is the last thing I want. I sometimes feel mad at my reflection for showing me myself—taller with little zits and stubble that I can't keep from coming back. And here's the strange boy again staring up at me as I wade into the water. I kick a wave in the water to break up the person the river's showing me to be. The ripples tear me into little strips of light.

When I look up the river, only Zuko's head is bobbing on top of the river. I rush to sink myself in before heading up river. The chill, though shocking at first, is welcome. "Feels good, doesn't it?" Zuko asks. I grin in affirmation, but no conversation follows. The tension builds in the silent invisible push of the river.

I crack first and a thought leaks out, "I forget you're the leader of a nation sometimes."

The Firelord's face fell into a scoff and his mouth sank under the water to blow some exasperated bubbles. He reemerges. "You and me both, Aang." He lowers back down so, like a catgator, his eyes glare at me pensively just above the surface. "Can I tell you a secret?" he asks as his mouth finds air again, but he is already is headed towards me without an answer, a disembodied head rolling down the river with a short trail of hair weaving behind it. There's something mystic about the image and the sky agrees as the sunrise breaks over the eastern hills, filling the hazy air with gold. I tell myself it's the morning that's frozen me, but I know it's Zuko. I wait expressionless in face and voice.

The floating head arrives beside me, and beneath the water, the glowing green currents shift as the secret attached body comes to rest near me, too. I want to be underwater. To hide from his lips by my ear. To open my eyes to the world underneath. But I stay still. Zuko puts his hand on my shoulder and whispers, "I sometimes wish I wasn't." I turn to look at him. At the simple thought he shared. He's there simply. Averting his eyes. Smirking. I push his bangs to to the side across his scar. In the sun his hair is brown. Simple and sweet brown.

"I know," I say. _I know how you feel, I know what you mean, I know how much more there is beneath that thought_. Any of those would've worked. They all mixed brackish in my mind, and I pulled out what they held in common instead of anything actually helpful. Zuko met my eyes with an expression I didn't know but that I have felt before. I want the river to rip me away right now, but we are too shallow and I have to face this moment. I have no other half-formed thoughts to avoid it. The birds have hushed, the insects hover undetectably in one place, and not even a ripple folds the surface of the water.

Underneath, though, Zuko's hand grabs mine. I squeeze mine around his. There's no thought there. The invisible currents run differently around us. The sunlight cuts straight lines into the bright green murkiness. We stare expectantly at one another. Expecting what? The humidity is heavy waiting for a raincloud to come and relieve it.

"Hey, guys!" calls a crass voice from the shore. "I couldn't sleep at all in this stupid heat." Sokka already has his shirt off when we both look over. "What about you guys?" he asks.

"Yeah, it's pretty gross out," I call back. I sense the old current running through my fingers again. When I see him, Zuko is already half out of the water by Sokka, with small rivers finding the easiest ways down his skin. I paddle toward my own things farther down the riverbank, then give Zuko some time after he has started back to our camp before I begin.

"I see how it is!" I hear Sokka yell as I turn down the trail Zuko and I had walked together this morning. "Well, the water feels just as good without you!"


	5. Chapter 5

_The reason for meditation_ , Gyatso said, _arises because thoughts are drops of water_. That was so long ago. I tagged along half listening behind him while collecting rolly-pollies from beneath logs onto my arms. _Okay_ I remember replying without understanding in the least. _Walk with me along this stream_. _What do you hear now_? I giggled as one of the bugs crawled up my sleeve, but then I closed my eyes and tried to hear what I thought I was supposed to hear. _Uhmm...some birds and a lemur hopping in the leaves_. Gyatso pushed me to focus more. Then I heard the sound running steadily under it all. _Oh! I hear the water, just a little trickle_. I peaked open one eye. _From there_. Pointed _. Where the stream's catching on that part of the bank_. Gyatso pinched his face into a smile. _Yes, I hear that, too!_ he said. We walked a little farther to where a second stream merged with our's. _And now?_ He asked. Most of the rolly-pollies had escaped my arm by now and I could focus more. _I can hear trickles like before, but I can also hear little splashes where the currents are hitting each other_. A happy sound came from Gyatso's mustache, and we kept walking. We stopped again where the stream, now larger, narrowed and rushed steeply down in cascades. Monk Gyatso's lips moved up and down, but the words were drowned out by the falls. _What!?_ His mustache came alive again with no sound. This time I pointed to my ears and yelled. _I can't hear you!_ We walked deeper into the mountain forest away from the stream. _Sifu, what did you tell me by the stream?_ I asked as the rasp of water faded in the distance. _Exactly_ , he said with a belly laugh.

A whole lake pounded through my head now. I stood up from the resting mat in my tent to find that the soreness had finally caught up with the constant work we had been doing: a cricked neck, tender feet, and aches across every swath of muscles. On top of that, my stomach felt unsettled. But none of it could distract me from the thoughts as I walked to the lake.

That unbelievable moment. Less tangible than the spirit world really. I could only recall it in ghostly pieces, like trying to touch a cloud, like trying to describe a dream. My stomach dropped another foot down each time the images resurfaced. Most of my thoughts, though, were questions and imagined scenarios. Why did Zuko hold my hand like that? Why did he leave so quickly? Was I more stressed by the first thing or the second? I can just ignore it, and things will be easier in a way, except looking at him. Looking at him would be difficult. It already was difficult. Just having lunch yesterday had been excruciating. Not a word passed between us. The large group made the tension easy to hide, but not to ignore, at least for me. I didn't see even a moment of recognition on Zuko's work-worn face. Not a smile, not a regret underneath the soot and the streaks left behind by dripping sweat. I must've been covered with something similar now, I imagined. I reached the lake without realizing it, and began unloading.

As I unloaded my fresh clothes, my towel, and my shaving supplies onto the small beach, a strike of terror rang in me making me queasy. He would be here soon, all confidence and smirk. "Hey," I imagined saying from deep in the cold water. I started to undress quickly so I wouldn't have to confront him completely bared, but eventually I'd have to come out to shave.

As I took my first steps in the water, I tried, I really tried to hear the forest, or see the dull still lake, or anything. Anything. I wanted the world outside of me to slap me with details, how a friend might give you tough love. The flood of anxiety pared even the chill of the lake. My body reacted, but the frustration that would normally follow never became a true feeling. Only more worry leaked out. I ducked under, then opened my eyes. I emerged from the dark murky green expecting to find Zuko, all taught and sure, striding from the woods onto the beach. But, no. The pines shook a little in the wind, but no boy. I sank again and rubbed down my body. When my head reemerged, I had the same expectation. But, no. I treaded water for a while with my gaze trapped on the beach. Only the occasional bird flight and the slow moving gray sky offered any change.

Even though the lake had remained nearly silent, all my worries had begun to deafen me with their mute buzzing. I began to hum. Just a simple sad song. A little folk song from the West about how crickets tell the night and day about one another. The knot of worries did not begin to loosen in the slightest, though. Instead, the onslaught became more intense. They were swelling in my chest and in my head, pressing out into my muscles, into my eyes, and into my skin. Suddenly, I couldn't hold the pressure inside and I began to swim out into the lake, stroking as hard as I could into the flat unmoving lake. My hum broke. And I cried.

As my strokes brought me back to the little beach, the world came within my reach again. The wet icy chill. Creaks of heavy pine branches. The pale yellow sand and mysterious pine green in holy conversation together. The happy pains of work running their course in my muscles. And the rippling sounds as I moved through the water to the shore.

He still wasn't there as I stepped out naked to grab my bowl and blade. I squatted in the shallows and applied the banana leaf lotion to my face as I had many times before. Shaving it off as I had before. Rinsing it off as I had always done before. A twinkling sadness permeated the whole ritual. I took some time after shaving, sat close to shore, and meditated. The lake wrapped around my naked breathing. Thoughts came and I helped them pass. And Zuko's outstretched hand took hold again and again, and I wasn't surprised. It would soon be time to face my shame, I realized.

I once believed growing up had ignited a fear in me. In a way, it did. I feared the change. The recognition from others' that came with change. I feared manhood in the world and for myself. The air nomads didn't hold men or adults to the expectations that the world now held. And that expectation certainly didn't fit me. Who could see beyond the shell of manhood to the truth of me? I've seen so few men who were silly and loving and gushing and kind. Least of all Zuko's father. To inherit power from others and to inherit respect, I realized looking out on the glassy lake, people often perform maturity, seriousness, and authority. Underneath, though, we're all wily, worried, and strange. I guess all my body's gestures toward adulthood induced a desire to avoid those dangerous veneers.

Then there's Zuko, who has seemed to possess all the markings of adulthood. He's more mature, more serious, and he's the firelord. I suppose to me, he's this beautiful representative of the future because, despite the trappings of his royal rearing, he's found the capacity for all the flitting expressions I was afraid to give up. And, beyond that, I think he saw all that in me. I decided on asking him about all this at the next opportunity.

Apparently, that opportunity was not today. As I stood up into the small but chilling breeze, Zuko still had not arrived to give me company. I walked through the sand, enjoying the cool grainy tickles on my feet, toweled myself dry, dressed, and headed back to camp with a regained appreciation for the forest path I traversed.


	6. Chapter 6

"Okay, so you think Zuko's manly—or—wait—I'm confused." Sokka really was trying his best. I know that. It means a lot that he's listening at all, honestly. He tosses the volleyball back to me as an uncrested wave lifts both of us off the ground.

"Okay, so no. Zuko's like manly in a way that's not manly. And that's just like the monks, you know. And so he just reminds me of that." I toss the ball. Another warm wave glides by. The ball catches a quick sea breeze and rides it over his head, so he has to swim back to get it.

"Alright…" Sokka trails off as he grabs the ball, giving up on fully understanding. "Why do you need to talk to him about it, though. Won't that be kind of weird? Or, what will you even say?"

I hadn't figured that piece out. I had my revelation at the lake a few days ago. I was so excited to share my thoughts with Zuko on that cloudy morning. It felt like my thoughts were on my skin again instead of trapped like bones inside of me. I walked out of the pine trail to the clearing where we had camped out. Katara stood by Appa rolling up her sleeping bag, while Toph and Sokka had not yet emerged from their tents. But all of the Fire Nation gear was gone. Katara explained casually about the messenger hawk, urgent business, etc. Nothing too alarming, she said. Some woodpecker hammered away high up in the forest. Even with the change, I still felt more peaceful. I'd see him again. I'd tell him the next time.

A wave peaks farther out and slaps me under. I reemerge spitting out the salt water. "I threw the ball right before the wave went," called Sokka, "It's behind you." I bounced over to it, making my own little surface ripples amongst the sea's own. Then I plucked the floating ball from the water. "I don't have a plan or anything. I was just going to say it when I say it, and then we'd figure out the specifics by talking or something. That's like a normal conversation, right?" Sokka scratched his head and shrugged. Maybe there's an indecisive noise I can't hear over the beach sounds, the gulls, the wind, and the chugging on and on of the surf.

I try to push the ball across the surface of the water between waves, but it stalls halfway between us. Both Sokka and I swim to it. He gets there first, setting his hands on top of the floating ball. "I don't know Aang. Are you sure that's it?" My eyes dart around as I think on it. I see the shore where the sand castle we built earlier still holds its ground against the incoming tide. Then, on top of the ocean's undulations, there's the little glistening waves the breeze makes. And the sun's brighter than dragonfire. And Sokka's staring at me, waiting. I groaned and fell backward flat-backed into the sea with a big splash.

When I reemerged, I sighed, "I don't know, Sokka. There's just this big excitement here." I slapped my hand on my chest. "And I just think I need to—" Sokka slyly smiled while little gems of water dripped down his face. "No, no, I don't think—or, at least—I just." I bent my knees and let a wave ride over top of me. When it passed, Sokka put his hand on my shoulder, "It's okay, buddy, you don't have to know everything right now. We've got time." We walked back inland. He was right. We had time. I wouldn't see Zuko for another two years.


End file.
